yes ive been busy busy busy. I blame damn anatomy and phsyiology2, but the good thing is that i recently discovered that I am able to apply for the nursing program right now. I hope that I get in, but this class is standing in the way. In lab today, we had to draw our blood with a needle, and umm...that took me a while but i finally got it haha. Life lately...hmmm..school, as you can tell Ive been overwhelmed...family, boyfriend, and friends...everything on my mind about that hasn't changed since my other blogs. And work...well..its been the same haha.
I just need to learn how to stop living in the past. I really do. Its a shame to see people once close to you change up, but if they change up on you, you should switch up on them too. Such foolishness is unnecessary. I like this quote ive heard in that MF Doom song i got up" ANd be too nice peopel mistake you for a dummy." Its true, that's somehting i need to fix. I hate it when people belittle me. If youre not that much older than me, don't talk to me like a little kid, and dont tell me what to do. I dont even know how to deal with stress anymore. Any suggestions? No, drinking shouldnt be one of them, that jsut makes it worse I heard haha...I dont have time to sit down and write poetry, or write in general, and usually when i do have ideas of poetry im either sleeping or busy and cant sit down and jot my thoughts. I still have this poetry project in mind that im goin to name "the journey to my sleep chronicles"[poetry and ideas that i get while im about to sleep] lol im so lame and cheesy but its been on my mind for a while. NO BITING!!! I guess thats it for now...im glad i got to recruit renee into this blogger site =]
sorry for this blog being choppy and random...if i ever have time i'll sit down and really go into details with things...peace and love ♥
Monday, October 26, 2009
Friday, September 11, 2009
Drama.Drama.and MORE DRAMA.
* Today is 9/11, a day to be remembered. God Bless all the loved ones of the victims of that day. Cant believe its been 8 years! I was in 6th grade when that happened and I can clearly remember EVERYTHING. I remember wearing a light blue shirt, purple sparkly jeans, and noticing how alot of kids were leaving school early, but didnt know why. I remeber some girl in my social studies class saying how the twin towers got bombed and our teacher just said "okay lets not talk about this!" then i rememebr my math teacher yelling at me for having too many folders. That week was a big mess. Its so unfortunate how something like that had to happen. I used to complain about why we had to commemorate this day like every year, even on random numbers that wasnt a 1 or 5, but now i see how big of an impact that day has on our country. Wow, I cant believe its really been that long.
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The past 2-3 weeks have been absolutely nothing but DRAMA. My birthday was on the worst week too. My boyfriend's grandmother passed away two days before my birthday. I was so shocked to find out about that, and taht week I definitely was there for his family. WHats messed up is that the old folks had to spread really ugly gossip, saying that i made my bf throw me a party in his house, the site were his grandmother was being mourned. Ive never felt so upset about gossip before until this came along. It was so unfortunate about how his grandmother died and everything and people have the nerve to be direspectful and make things up at a time like that. Whats more messed up is that my grandma called up my mom before my birthdya to tell her all thsi and all my mom said was "ignore waht peopel are saying." My grandma got me mad the whole week. My birthday was probably the only day of that week that was good. I tried to be happy as much as possible because it was my speical day but also becuase my boyfriend threw me this party when i told him that he didnt have to because of what happened. I love him so much for that. I really appreciated it. Later that night, I developed a really big blsiter/sore on the side of my tongue. It was the most painful thing i can ever feel in my mouth besides the time I got all four of my wisdom teeth removed. I couldnt eat the thngs i wanted...espcially that bok la hong smhh!!! Then, the days go by, and Ive been having drama with friends and such. Some are resolved, others got worse. Others seem fake. I dont know anymore, Im willing to drop friendships like nothing if theyre being disrespectul and whatnot. I need to start sticking up for myself now. Peopel are still putitn my name in their mouth. Seriosuly, hop off the disco stick! I dont need fake friends. I dont like how people blame themselves being busy and "maturing" for not keepin in touch. A simple question like "how you been?" is considered staying in touch. Whatever, i feel like im a drama-magnet.
And as for school. Ugh. Im not looking forward to this semester. But on the brightside, my psychology professor prvides us notes online so we dont even need to show up to class. He seems like a good professor, unlike the one I had last semester. ANd, my statisitcs professor gives us open notebook/book quizzes every week and NO HOMEWORK. That definitely will giveme more time to focus on the othr 3 classes that i realyl need to care about, especially anatomy&physiolgy 2 >.< I need to bust my ass off for these classes. I better get back to work right now, and should be grateful that I dont need to work today so i can start my schoolwork. I jsut wish summer got extended becuase the last full week of summer taht I had was the worst way to end a summer. Summer '09, YOU SUCKED.
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The past 2-3 weeks have been absolutely nothing but DRAMA. My birthday was on the worst week too. My boyfriend's grandmother passed away two days before my birthday. I was so shocked to find out about that, and taht week I definitely was there for his family. WHats messed up is that the old folks had to spread really ugly gossip, saying that i made my bf throw me a party in his house, the site were his grandmother was being mourned. Ive never felt so upset about gossip before until this came along. It was so unfortunate about how his grandmother died and everything and people have the nerve to be direspectful and make things up at a time like that. Whats more messed up is that my grandma called up my mom before my birthdya to tell her all thsi and all my mom said was "ignore waht peopel are saying." My grandma got me mad the whole week. My birthday was probably the only day of that week that was good. I tried to be happy as much as possible because it was my speical day but also becuase my boyfriend threw me this party when i told him that he didnt have to because of what happened. I love him so much for that. I really appreciated it. Later that night, I developed a really big blsiter/sore on the side of my tongue. It was the most painful thing i can ever feel in my mouth besides the time I got all four of my wisdom teeth removed. I couldnt eat the thngs i wanted...espcially that bok la hong smhh!!! Then, the days go by, and Ive been having drama with friends and such. Some are resolved, others got worse. Others seem fake. I dont know anymore, Im willing to drop friendships like nothing if theyre being disrespectul and whatnot. I need to start sticking up for myself now. Peopel are still putitn my name in their mouth. Seriosuly, hop off the disco stick! I dont need fake friends. I dont like how people blame themselves being busy and "maturing" for not keepin in touch. A simple question like "how you been?" is considered staying in touch. Whatever, i feel like im a drama-magnet.
And as for school. Ugh. Im not looking forward to this semester. But on the brightside, my psychology professor prvides us notes online so we dont even need to show up to class. He seems like a good professor, unlike the one I had last semester. ANd, my statisitcs professor gives us open notebook/book quizzes every week and NO HOMEWORK. That definitely will giveme more time to focus on the othr 3 classes that i realyl need to care about, especially anatomy&physiolgy 2 >.< I need to bust my ass off for these classes. I better get back to work right now, and should be grateful that I dont need to work today so i can start my schoolwork. I jsut wish summer got extended becuase the last full week of summer taht I had was the worst way to end a summer. Summer '09, YOU SUCKED.
Friday, August 21, 2009
Focus on Myself
I came to a realization that the way I've been acting isnt the way that I should act. I used to be more classy and reserved in everything, such as letting certain things come out of my mouth, containing my anger, etc. It took one situation to turn me around and make me act this way. I never used to show off my anger in crazy ways (like punching, throwing things, screaming, etc.). I never used to let my emotions show as much. I guess the reason is that growing up, Ive been kind& nice. Ive been too nice that i let others step on me and toss me and my emotions around liek nothing. I never had the courage to stick up for myself. Maybe thats why my anger bottled up for years has finally exploded and came out. However, I learned that being angry and loud all the time doesnt make things better, it makes things worse. Now, im trying to go back to my old self except that this time around, I want to be able to stick up for myself. Thats another thing. Reason i never stood up for myself was becuase of my low self-esteem. Me and my low self-esteem have a long history together.I need to learn how to love myself. I need to tell myself that i dont deserve to have othrs treat me like shit no matter where i am, whether its betwee friends, strnagers, people at school or work, etc. I deserve respect jsut like anyone else, but in order to gain it, my anger management issues has to stop. I can gain respect jsut by being how i was 2 yrs ago. I dont want this beasty side of me to break up good relationships. Its hurtng me too.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
When will things get better???
Alot of things have occured and it completely ruined my summer, although my summer was already whacked out. Im tired of feeling the way Ive been feeling for the past 2 weeeks. I just want everyone to be happy, yet at the same time I want to be happy too. I noticed that I havent been acting normally. Ive been eating only twice a day and on top of that, I do plan things that I would want to do but i end up not doing anything at all. Im constantly feeling stressed out and weak; I hate the fact that I hurt people I love, but I want them to understand that I wasnt out to hurt them. They need to think about me and my happiness. THings arent the same anymore and I hate it. Im no longer a child, Im turning 19 in about 2 weeks. I understand i will always be a child in their eyes but Im not who i was when i was 5. Ive become older and a bit wiser (i hope lol). People say it takes time and im not exactly patient. Perhaps this experience is occurring to act asa test of lyalty hmm who knows? I just would like to see better days. I never meant to hurt anyone but honestly i felt like i did nothing wrong. I want us to heal.
I wanted to write so many things in my blog but i just never had a chance to. Hopefully i do write them before school starts!
I wanted to write so many things in my blog but i just never had a chance to. Hopefully i do write them before school starts!
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