*edit* June 30, 2009:
This will be a continuation of yesterday's blog. So many things have been running across my mind, I'm not even sure where to begin. Lately, I've felt like we are all 5 different people now. I understand we all change as we get older, but does that mean everything about us have to change? Why can't we hold on strongly to the good characteristics that people knew us for? Once thats gone, it's like that person is not the same anymore...so why bother? I do admit, I've changed, but regardless of my personal changes, a part of me still remianed as the same person that I have been all this time. I know that my temper hasnt been exactly pleasant, and my angst has been exploding everywhere for a while now, but when a friend needed me, I was there to listen and to talk. I remained to be there for a friend/loved one. Now why is it that I do these things and get respected for it, yet when I go thru my own situations, I turn to the same people hoping they would be there for support....AND THEYRE NOT THERE???? Thats a big bitchslap in the face.
I was at one point in my life (few months ago), where I thought that it would be the end of everything good...errgh i cant explain. This was the worst and most stressful point of my life that nearly everyday I was crying, blasting emo music, and even was feeling bloaty/gassy/i dont know how to explain but it was bad; I WAS JUST ONE BIG WRECK. Give me all the excuses you want for not being there for me, but it was all pretty lame. I wasnt asking for visits or anything. I asked for your patience[i know im paranoid but it wasnt necessary to show your annoycance], a friend to talk to, just any simple thing!!! I didnt need to hear anyone bad-mouthing my boyfriend, saying that he wasnt being supportive, not a good boyfriend, or whatever because THAT WAS ALL LIES...THOSE WERE HASTY ASSUMPTIONS THAT SHOULDNT HAVE BEEN MADE, BUT UNFORTUNATELY MADE BASED ON IGNORANCE AND LACK OF KNOWLEDGE OF OUR RELATIONSHIP. He was there for me, and was so depressed because of my stress/depression. Ive had people that I started getting to know as friends that were more supportive, some were even of the same area as them but okay, just keep standing by your lame excuses. Even friends from school that i've known for only 1-2 semesters were being better supporters...and not because they go to the same school as me, rather because they knew the condition i was in and wanted to be there for support. There was no excuse to not be there, but whatever.
People changed I swear. As if that wasnt enough, more had to occur, and this was more recent. Great details are not necessary to explain, but I will say this: you don't ever talk in a perverted way about your "good"friend, especially if she's in a serious relationship and if you and your other idiotic friend just happens to know her boyfriend. The idiot that brought my bf's name and my name in his mouth started it, but was it necessary for you to add on such an inappropriate and rude comment? ...I dont give a flying sh*t if your intention was to "joke areound" but learn about how disrespectful that was before it comes out your mouth and onto the keyboard...and dont assume that nobody is going to read it because its freakin Facebook. You get tired of me talking to you about my bf but when other friends do it, its okay..and you give them advice? When i needed you for support you couldnt do it...yet you supported another friend..and dont blame the distance because distance means nothing, expecially for a friendship...i didnt even ask for a visit, just SUPPORT. Were all different people now, and i dont liek how certain people have changed. Their attitudes are not intact with what I remember nearly 2 years ago...in other words, they became assholes. Whatever happens with our friendship, happens. Im not going to bother anymore because it will show me how much these "friends" really care about you.
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We just lost the KING of POP, Farah Fawcett, Billy Mays(RIP)...whats going on???
**another note: It completely sucks that after we lose Michael Jackson that the kid back then who accused him of child molestaion is confessing that he never did molested him...and look at all the suffering and ridicule Michael Jackson went thru for that...ugh people are just soo....DUMBBBB!!!!! I have alot of venting to do but im getting sleepy...to be continued tomorrow.
