Its been a while since I updated. I honestly dont know why I havent updated lately, because I'm not really that busy. haha. Matter of fact, I am doing nothing productiove this summer. ITs a shame. I havent even went swimming and its already August! LOL I guess its because since I made a tumblr, I would frequently blog on there, but the things I blog on thereare somewhat shorter and more like "facebook" posts & sttuses rather than legit blog entries. I use this to write longer and more profound blogs (if I can).
So, im not sure where to begin. I feel liek lately, its been everyone hating me. I dont know if Im bugging, or wahtnot but even the people who are my friends and family jsut seem like they are tired of me. I jsut hate having that feeling of people no longer having any care nor any admiration for you, because its just a big dissappointment.Maybe I jsut need to relax and stop overanalyzing this.
Things at work has been a pain in the ass lately. My new boss is just competely geting on my nerves, ridiculously rude and says things that are just uncalled for, so I made a bold decision to give in my two weeks. Now,the problem is that I still need to find a job. I need to find one by the time I get back into school because we all know tht being a college student, money is going to be spent liek crazy, especially for stupid books haha ugh. Not even my birthday money could cover everything, but the agian who knows since im taking about 4 classes this semester--one of them being anatomy 2 (repeated with the same professor.eww.) Man, I feel like I could have done more with my summer and I jsut cant beleive its already august.
Besides drama with work, I honestly am not sure how Im feeling. A part of me is depressed, stressed, repressed and hurt, while the other part of me is normal & calm. I just dont know what to do anymore. I need to figure this out on my own. Theres so many issues.
Ive decided to go with this idea of NOT CARING about people (who Ive had a falling out with) and their whereabouts. Well, I have but I always would have someting to say about it. I jsut realized that I need to focus on ME right now and I just ask everyone to just not mention them around me becuase I notice everytime I hear about them, I get angry and upset. I guess its because I'm still hurt by the things theyve done, but at the same time I kind of do forgive them---I just would rather not be associated with them (as friends) anymore...theyre just acquiantances in my eyes. They may be cool with the rest of my friends and family, but it doesnt mean that I need to be. I can be classy, cool and cordial too, but thats it. Its not like we can be the best of friends again because that takes up alot of courage and energy for being able to trust them again,which I dont have, sorry to say. I jsut hate that the people who are our mutual friends may ormight have already told them things about my perosnal business--which i dont appreciate. Its like if I dont care about them and vice versa, waht makes you think that they would care about my life? I think thats how our family firend all the way in Cali(whom I ahvent seen since i was like...4) knows about my personal business because a certian somebody must have told a certain family that I dislike. ANd them knowing that I dislike them and willing to do anything to tarnish my rep and image would be bold enough to stoop so low to tell our other family friends in Cali about my personal business and word gets back to us. ANd, Im pretty sure I know who would tell that family (or at least 1 of their kids) about my personal business because he tends to be a snitch--whther he sees it or not. Now I know which friends I can trust. Its all good. I aint trippin anymore.
Blahh Im tired. I guess I can continue a part two when I have time.
