LOL I really havent been on!!

I don't know why I am hardly on here, but it's all good I guess? I spent basically all of my summer trying to find a part time job (sort of succeeded...I still have yet to get a call from them as promised lol), trying to work out and eat healthy (I was on the right track, but needed to self-motivate myself more), spending time with my cousins from Georgia, getting ready for school (buying books, etc.) and a lot in between! Last week, my little cousins came from Okinawa after three years of being there and it was such a great time that I spent with them & seeing how grown they've  become! My birthday was two weeks ago and my family and I went to A.C. It was fun as well!  :)

Soo I finally started school last Wednesday. It is my final year in college and although I am excited, I am also nervous. I am currently taking 6 classes, and so far, they all demand a lot of work. I am currently taking: Health Administration, Counseling Skills for Health Professionals, Intro to Internship, Epidemiology, Intro to P.H., and Lifespan Nutrition. The pressure is on for me to get higher grades. I want A's. It has been quite an adventure these past 4 years in college. 

Although I still want to pursue my dream of being a pediatric nurse, I want to see how far I go into this field. I do see aspects of this field that I like, such as children's health, global health (it has always been a dream for me to go to Cambodia [other countries as well] to do some type of work over there involving medicine, health education [teaching them about sanitation and other issues], general education,building shelters and helping to improve people's lives over there), nutrition, and other issues. I never realized how much of a growing field Public Health really is. 

During the summer, I stumbled upon a photo of me taken 10 years ago (when I was about 12 years old) and I stared long & hard at it. I then stared at a photo of myself from a couple of months ago. I noticed that my faces in both photos were in a similar position, so I compared the two. I thought to myself, these past ten years have been quite something. Looking at that photo from 2002 brought back memories of me being made fun of all the time because of a mole, and how other kids were mean. I do feel a little uneasy every time I see a pic of myself prior to my surgery I had 7 years ago. It's hard. All because of a mole on my chin. But, I think about this young woman I have become since then. (lol, I just called myself a young woman...really? I feel like such a kid sometimes) One thing that is best about being in your early twenties is you discover more about yourself, especially things that you never realized. Maybe college helped a little bit, but you look at yourself, your interests, your associates and you can't help but compare to how you were in high school.  I never knew how much I loved writing until after I graduated high school. I'm not the type that was able to identify hobbies, and I still do have that issue. I'm just glad I finally have some things that I can list as my hobbies! I am so random, but the point is that it is an amazing feeling to finally embrace yourself and find so many things about yourself that you never do. Although my weight is still an issue, I'm embracing who I am. 

I realized that I never really posted anything beauty-related. When I do, they're just brief. With that said, I'll just mention my current favorites:

1.) Sonia Kashuk Tinted Moisturizer 

2.) ELF Powder Brush

3.) ELF Angled Brush

4.) Maybelline Plush Mascara 

5.) Aussie 3 Minute Miracle Deeeeep Conditoner (lol it's literally spelled like that)

6.) Revlon Colorburst Lip Butters

7.) Lancome Cils Booster Mascara (mascara primer)

8.) Loreal True Match Powder

Speaking of beauty-related things, I colored my bleached hair using Clairol's Nice N Easy in Natural Blue Black...lol back to basics! I just had to because my hair looked so damaged from bleaching it too many times last year and most of my roots came. I wanted the black to hide my damaged ends...it's still noticeable but at least it's not too noticeable! Plus, I colored it because I wanted look more professional for when I go on interviews for internships, jobs, etc., and I wanted to have "normal looking hair" in my graduation portrait. I can't go a lighter color because then I would have to use bleach and I'm trying to grow the hair out to keep it healthy. I had a haircut about a month ago, and it was sort of what I wanted. The guy used a thinning razor for my bangs and I hated that! Plus, he gave me a little attitude when I asked him to have shorter top layers (like I've had in the past). Other than that, he did fine.

Blue black hair. Don't let that face fool you. I certainly did gain weight lol.













This is such a random and long post. I apologize for being everywhere. This was to update on my whereabouts. :)

Oh, shout outs to my cousin Tiffany (not sure if she'll see this)!!! Happy 14th  Birthday!!!♥ I love you!!!

Spring Break

Ahh spring break is almost over as I go back to school this week. urrgh. It was alright I guess, but I could have done more. I actually cleaned my room and STARTED working out hahaha. I colored my hair with Loreal Sublime Mousse in Purest Dark Brown to cover up my colored hair (that reddish/brownish/copperish/blonde highlighted hair that Ive been wanting to cover up for a while lol) and I thought that with drugstore box colors that it would be darker, like almost black but not exactly black. Then I realized that after I colored it that my hair was light enough that it wouldnt come out as dark as I wanted. It's a pretty chocolate brown color, but I missed a few spots so my old highlighted hair is somewhat visible still lol. Its all good though haha. idk what else to say, but Im glad that my room is cleaner than what Id usually do with it. I actually organized my closet.

I recently bought Wet n Wild's Mega Last lipcolors in 901B and 968 ("Pinkerbelle"). "Pinkerbelle" is soo pretty as its a yellow-based pink, which reminds me of the Viva Nicki lipstick from MAC. 901B I believe is in "Think Pink"and its deemed as a "Barbie pink." Im starting to get into lipcolors that isnt "nude." Im starting to get tired of that "nude" color, the one that washes you out. Rather, Im getting back into baby pinks and other colors, like brownish nude, which gives a more natural look. Anyways, these lipsticks are matte and really dry, but I like it.

So..update on school. My semester is hectic, although Im taking only 5 classes, as opposed to last semester. I'm glad to say that ever since I officially declared my major, I'm taking my classes more seriously than I have had in the past 3 years (except my very first semester...I did amazing with a 3.7/3.8 GPA and everything). I do admit that my study habits in the past werent as helpful, but then again, I worked part-time and that demanded alot of hours. I am a bit upset seeing my peers talking about graduation knowing that I was supposed to graduate this year. But then again, I screwed up one semester and this is why I'm in this mess. We all work at our pace and theres some of us that are trying to figure out their career paths. But that's one thing I learned about college. I honestly have no idea specifically what career I want to pursue with this degree. And, I still want to go after my nursing dreams though but I guess that pursuit can wait. Money is the issue. I mean, I do like the major I'm in but I'm not sure as to what specific career I can get a job with. I just know that I dont want to do anything dealing with working with health insurance companies or anything that associates with business. Blahh I just cant! Memories of working in retail come to mind...ugh. Anyways, Public Health is something that Ive been concerned with and I really do want a career in the health field, so I know this major was the best choice. Plus, I can incorporate my writing skills, so at least my writing is useful somewhere :) Im just glad that I didnt switch majors into English or anything because my credits in the class I took wouldnt have transferred haha. Anyways, Ive been focusing on my main research project this semester and I come back from spring break to a paper due and also a 2nd exam. Blehh.

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that currently I'm at 145 lbs...seriously, I dont even know how I gained 10 lbs.....ugh. Ima try to work on it....TRY lol.

Anyways, thats all for now. :).

Updates

So my dad and grandma left for Cambodia a week ago. My dad is going to come back sometime in a few weeks and my grandma is coming in February I think. My dad has been looking forward to this visit for a lonnng time. I can tell because he is always looking at costs for hotels, reading the latest news related to Cambodia, and blasts the music super loud haha. I'm already missing him even though I know that he needs this vacation to relax and enjoy his homecountry. He works hard, so he needs to relax and have fun! Plus, he's going to visit my other grandma (my dad's mom) who left to go back to Cambodia back in 2005. It's so quiet here at home...wahh *baby cry*. At least he's probably enjoying his vacation, whereas my mom told me that she didn't enjoy it when she went there haha. To my grandma that is visiting Cambodia (my mom's mom), she is so used to Cambodia, that I think to her, its just normal to her. I think she is staying at her sister's house.

Well other than that, I've been busy with school. It's somewhat mid semester and so I'm pretty much occupied with that. Not much going on with that. I was in the Applied Health major, but I switched into general Public Health. I felt like I wouldn't be able to do much with Applied Health anyways as it also incorporates the business aspect. I do not want to sell medical supplies, manage a clinic or sell insurance. It's not something I want to do, especially the insurance part. Working for something like that wouldn't seem fun. At least with Public Health, there's more to that. We actually do writing in that class. I like writing, and although sometimes it can be a pain in the ass, I just simply like writing.

I've had stuff on my mind. I just don't understand how people can act nice to you in front of your family, but anywhere else, it's like, they don't even care about you. I see people's true reflections and no wonder I felt awkward around them, not knowing if they were genuinely nice to me or not. Either that, or they 're just busy or have things on their mind. Whatever, I don't know, but I just don't get that if they dislike me, what have I done to them to make them have that sentiment? I want to be kind, but things like these makes me not want to care like how they act towards me. Cordiality is what I need to use, I guess.

Speaking of which, I've been evaluating myself. I am 21 years old, currently unemployed (still seeking a job since I quit), but a full time student. What concerns me, is the age part. I just feel that somebody my age isn't as "immature" as I am. I don't know if I am being hard on myself, but that is how I feel. I feel like a 5 year old. I have a messy room, that I can't even maintain it. Yeah, I'm busy with school, but I should at least try to attempt to clean something up. I feel like a kid because of that. There's people my age with apartments or kids, and here I am acting like a person with no responsibility for my things. This is something I need to improve, not to make others satisfied, but for my own benefit.

And then there's people whose Facebook posts I see about them graduating. I admit that I get jealous when I see things like that. It hurts because I could have been graduating in 2012, but I was not doing so good in school for stupid things, where I could have been focused on my classes. Then I also see pics of people my age partying and having a great time in college. I don't know why, but I just get jealous. I guess because 1.) I realized that I need to grow up but also 2.) I haven't been hanging out with any of my friends. It's no one's fault. but also at the same time it's 3.) people I knew in high school changed, I don't really see them as my friends except maybe a few people.This is why sometimes, I contemplate on deactivating my Facebook.

Also, I need let go of grudges and just be mature. I realized that the people I was close to at one point have took it upon themselves to show me that I wasn't good enough of a friend for them or something. I don't know. I guess some people weren't meant to have any form of relationships with each other. I guess the only thing to do is just be courteous. But I wouldn't like people to get fake with me, but then it's easier to distinguish people's intentions. I'm done with "high school drama." It makes me feel a bit embarrassed when I think about how these things are/was on my mind.

Self esteem issues have been coming back. I think it's because of my weight and how I gained alot. It's only 15 lbs different, but that is still alot. All I wear now are sweats not because Im lazy, or that its comfy, but at least I don't have to feel like I gained any lbs. I had to buy 2 new jeans and now I bumped up to a size 7 regular, maybe a 9 if it runs small. I remember trying on dresses, and I bought one that was a size 11. Crazy. I feel like my face has gained weight. I've been criticized alot for it. I don't feel like I look good wearing dresses or outfits that I see everyone wearing, especially those bodycon skirts and a form-fitting top to go with it. I would have to find a top with ruffles to wear with a bodycon skirt to cover my fat.I've been trying to eat less, and I've only been eating two meals. I know that isn't the right thing to do. I should be eating smaller portions many times a day and combine that with workouts but it's either I am lazy or have no time.

I just wanted to stop by and write. Back to what I was doing. :)

New Fave Deep Conditoner and other thangs.

So, the school is back in session, so therefore, Im going to be more MIA than usual haha. But heres an update: we had an earthquake on the East Coast and I seriously felt the shaking for like....a minute or two. I received a letter, saying that I got into my major (so I stressed over nothing really lol long story short...i didnt do good in my summer class so i thought that was the only class holding me back from getting any major so i was freakin out about what classes i can take and yeah yeah. ); Im in applied health which is a part of the public health program, also I had my birthday lol. Hurricane Irene affected my area (there were some floodings and evac
uations, but luckily Im not located in those areas).Classes were delayed because of the flooding from Irene. Im taking 6 classes smh. Health Research Methods I, Healthcare in the US, Women's Health, Stress Management, Microbiology (for the billionth time -___-), and Principles of Marketing.

Anyways, I wanted to write about this deep conditioning treatment from Ion (from Sally's Beauty Supply). My friend Cindy recommended it for me. And, now this is officially this is what I use for my hair care routine. She advised that after I shower, to leave this in overnight and wash it out after. Her advice was on point because it left my hair super soft. I think it outdid my Its a 10 leave-in spray. I hardly want to use any appliances unless its to straighten my bangs. One downside to it is the smell. It isnt a strong smell, but it smells weird. Its like a vanilla cake type smell mixed with chemicals ha. It wasnt a big deal though. They sell them in little 2 dollar packets or a bottle for about 8-9. I chose the bottle considering that I knew I was going to need more than a packet. Another fact you need to know is that it is 100% vegan. Im not sure what that means but my guess is that its because its one of those "protein" conditioners so its just to inform that no animals were used.

Umm, other than that theres not much to talk about. So, Im going to leave some pics!

boo!! Summer is done for now! and Ive noticed that Im hardly on here LOL. Tumblr is more my thing now so here is my page: http://beautyxbeast08.tumblr.com

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Even though, I've said this on my Twitter, I would like to say Happy Boun Pchum Ben (Ancestors Day)! Please pay your respects!

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Ok, see ya!