Yeah I havent been on this in a while, especially since now Im back in school or Im probbably using my tumblr account. A lot of stress has been on me from school to other issues to the point that I feel like its eating me alive. Things arent the same between us anymore and i dont know how it got so ugly so quick..shit ima save all that for a poem or somehting haha. But on a serious note, it scares me because of the feelings I have yet at the same time its too much. Im tired of all the people who I love hurting me verbally, pointing out my flaws. This goes for everyone, not a single person. I feel like I cnt be myself anymore. Im not even happy as I used to be but I try to forget it for a while. Sorry if this entry sounds emoesque. Im currently chillin in my student center on campus right now on my netbook. Just havin a cpu on me at times is great. Im still jobless but I think maybe I should focus on my classes first; it really sucks to be broke and ask your folksfor mone..I hate that shit. Im always used to being independent. Im only on three hours of sleep and me being upset doesnt help. I couldnt sleep well last night and Ive been tearing. I just miss how happy things used to be.
btw, i colored my hair back to blue-black haha that is my resort color after i get roots or just ge sick of it haha
Friday, October 22, 2010
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
heyheyhey
Its been a while since I updated. I honestly dont know why I havent updated lately, because I'm not really that busy. haha. Matter of fact, I am doing nothing productiove this summer. ITs a shame. I havent even went swimming and its already August! LOL I guess its because since I made a tumblr, I would frequently blog on there, but the things I blog on thereare somewhat shorter and more like "facebook" posts & sttuses rather than legit blog entries. I use this to write longer and more profound blogs (if I can).
So, im not sure where to begin. I feel liek lately, its been everyone hating me. I dont know if Im bugging, or wahtnot but even the people who are my friends and family jsut seem like they are tired of me. I jsut hate having that feeling of people no longer having any care nor any admiration for you, because its just a big dissappointment.Maybe I jsut need to relax and stop overanalyzing this.
Things at work has been a pain in the ass lately. My new boss is just competely geting on my nerves, ridiculously rude and says things that are just uncalled for, so I made a bold decision to give in my two weeks. Now,the problem is that I still need to find a job. I need to find one by the time I get back into school because we all know tht being a college student, money is going to be spent liek crazy, especially for stupid books haha ugh. Not even my birthday money could cover everything, but the agian who knows since im taking about 4 classes this semester--one of them being anatomy 2 (repeated with the same professor.eww.) Man, I feel like I could have done more with my summer and I jsut cant beleive its already august.
Besides drama with work, I honestly am not sure how Im feeling. A part of me is depressed, stressed, repressed and hurt, while the other part of me is normal & calm. I just dont know what to do anymore. I need to figure this out on my own. Theres so many issues.
Ive decided to go with this idea of NOT CARING about people (who Ive had a falling out with) and their whereabouts. Well, I have but I always would have someting to say about it. I jsut realized that I need to focus on ME right now and I just ask everyone to just not mention them around me becuase I notice everytime I hear about them, I get angry and upset. I guess its because I'm still hurt by the things theyve done, but at the same time I kind of do forgive them---I just would rather not be associated with them (as friends) anymore...theyre just acquiantances in my eyes. They may be cool with the rest of my friends and family, but it doesnt mean that I need to be. I can be classy, cool and cordial too, but thats it. Its not like we can be the best of friends again because that takes up alot of courage and energy for being able to trust them again,which I dont have, sorry to say. I jsut hate that the people who are our mutual friends may ormight have already told them things about my perosnal business--which i dont appreciate. Its like if I dont care about them and vice versa, waht makes you think that they would care about my life? I think thats how our family firend all the way in Cali(whom I ahvent seen since i was like...4) knows about my personal business because a certian somebody must have told a certain family that I dislike. ANd them knowing that I dislike them and willing to do anything to tarnish my rep and image would be bold enough to stoop so low to tell our other family friends in Cali about my personal business and word gets back to us. ANd, Im pretty sure I know who would tell that family (or at least 1 of their kids) about my personal business because he tends to be a snitch--whther he sees it or not. Now I know which friends I can trust. Its all good. I aint trippin anymore.
Blahh Im tired. I guess I can continue a part two when I have time.
So, im not sure where to begin. I feel liek lately, its been everyone hating me. I dont know if Im bugging, or wahtnot but even the people who are my friends and family jsut seem like they are tired of me. I jsut hate having that feeling of people no longer having any care nor any admiration for you, because its just a big dissappointment.Maybe I jsut need to relax and stop overanalyzing this.
Things at work has been a pain in the ass lately. My new boss is just competely geting on my nerves, ridiculously rude and says things that are just uncalled for, so I made a bold decision to give in my two weeks. Now,the problem is that I still need to find a job. I need to find one by the time I get back into school because we all know tht being a college student, money is going to be spent liek crazy, especially for stupid books haha ugh. Not even my birthday money could cover everything, but the agian who knows since im taking about 4 classes this semester--one of them being anatomy 2 (repeated with the same professor.eww.) Man, I feel like I could have done more with my summer and I jsut cant beleive its already august.
Besides drama with work, I honestly am not sure how Im feeling. A part of me is depressed, stressed, repressed and hurt, while the other part of me is normal & calm. I just dont know what to do anymore. I need to figure this out on my own. Theres so many issues.
Ive decided to go with this idea of NOT CARING about people (who Ive had a falling out with) and their whereabouts. Well, I have but I always would have someting to say about it. I jsut realized that I need to focus on ME right now and I just ask everyone to just not mention them around me becuase I notice everytime I hear about them, I get angry and upset. I guess its because I'm still hurt by the things theyve done, but at the same time I kind of do forgive them---I just would rather not be associated with them (as friends) anymore...theyre just acquiantances in my eyes. They may be cool with the rest of my friends and family, but it doesnt mean that I need to be. I can be classy, cool and cordial too, but thats it. Its not like we can be the best of friends again because that takes up alot of courage and energy for being able to trust them again,which I dont have, sorry to say. I jsut hate that the people who are our mutual friends may ormight have already told them things about my perosnal business--which i dont appreciate. Its like if I dont care about them and vice versa, waht makes you think that they would care about my life? I think thats how our family firend all the way in Cali(whom I ahvent seen since i was like...4) knows about my personal business because a certian somebody must have told a certain family that I dislike. ANd them knowing that I dislike them and willing to do anything to tarnish my rep and image would be bold enough to stoop so low to tell our other family friends in Cali about my personal business and word gets back to us. ANd, Im pretty sure I know who would tell that family (or at least 1 of their kids) about my personal business because he tends to be a snitch--whther he sees it or not. Now I know which friends I can trust. Its all good. I aint trippin anymore.
Blahh Im tired. I guess I can continue a part two when I have time.
Monday, June 7, 2010
UPdates--part 1
Wow, I havent blogged in nearly a month and a half or so. Funny thing is that I've been on my summer break and havent even yet written one entry; I kept telling myself everyday to write one and now here we are! First and foremost, I havent checked my final grades for the spring semester because I'm just that worried. I really dont wanna fail any classes. Ugh, I cant stand talking about school.
I'm not enjoying waking up at 1 pm everyday because i feel unproductive, yet at the same time I would rather sit at home than to be working (because of the long exhausitng hours). I have plans for this summer, even if it involves me staying home. I have plans on finishing up books that I havent finished since 5 years ago, study for anatomy 2, write some poems, seeing people, and working out, espeically since Ive been getting fat(maybe from drinkin too much soda). Lately, Ive been working 7-8 hour shifts; it's good that I should be getting a sweet paycheck yet at the same time, I'm still broke regardless :( I have beeen spending too much money and Im starting to not have that ability to control it. Dang you, credit card, dang you. Its bad espeically because this month, there's alot of birthdays and i still havent even bought summer clothes yet..maybe a few tops but thats it.
As of lately, I dont understand what's going on in this world. Id rather not go into details, but what gets me feeling so irrate is that after something horrible happened, it is without a question, right for people to sympathize and pay respects. Talking and saying negative things wont help and telling people wrong information doesnt help either. We should just pray for those that are suffering; we need to have compassion. THese old folks that are talking their smack surely have nerve; and they consider themsevles traddtional and supposedly follow our religion deeply. I dont recall bad gossip and not having much compassion a part of religion, especially Buddhism. smh. What a shame. Thats how Cambodians are, and this is the only aspect of our culture that I am ashamed of. As Cambodians, we cant even help each other out; instead, we talk smack. Grow up.Its not the time to hate and talk smack especially if they dont know what is going on. May God and Lord Buddha bless those that are currently suffering right now; these people are in my prayers and my condolences to their families. ♥
I'm not enjoying waking up at 1 pm everyday because i feel unproductive, yet at the same time I would rather sit at home than to be working (because of the long exhausitng hours). I have plans for this summer, even if it involves me staying home. I have plans on finishing up books that I havent finished since 5 years ago, study for anatomy 2, write some poems, seeing people, and working out, espeically since Ive been getting fat(maybe from drinkin too much soda). Lately, Ive been working 7-8 hour shifts; it's good that I should be getting a sweet paycheck yet at the same time, I'm still broke regardless :( I have beeen spending too much money and Im starting to not have that ability to control it. Dang you, credit card, dang you. Its bad espeically because this month, there's alot of birthdays and i still havent even bought summer clothes yet..maybe a few tops but thats it.
As of lately, I dont understand what's going on in this world. Id rather not go into details, but what gets me feeling so irrate is that after something horrible happened, it is without a question, right for people to sympathize and pay respects. Talking and saying negative things wont help and telling people wrong information doesnt help either. We should just pray for those that are suffering; we need to have compassion. THese old folks that are talking their smack surely have nerve; and they consider themsevles traddtional and supposedly follow our religion deeply. I dont recall bad gossip and not having much compassion a part of religion, especially Buddhism. smh. What a shame. Thats how Cambodians are, and this is the only aspect of our culture that I am ashamed of. As Cambodians, we cant even help each other out; instead, we talk smack. Grow up.Its not the time to hate and talk smack especially if they dont know what is going on. May God and Lord Buddha bless those that are currently suffering right now; these people are in my prayers and my condolences to their families. ♥
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Khmer New Years and Tae Yang's Wedding Dress and other updates.
So my mom left for Cambodia on Sunday, got there on Tuesday and called yesterday. I didnt get to pick up the phone though but from what I hear, she's having fun and thats all that matters. IT's nearly been a week since she left, and wow, i didnt realize how much i take her for granted when it comes to cooking,, doing the laundry, and all those house chores. I've been eating spam and rice or Kwago (Cambodian sausage) and rice nearly everyday LOL! Khmer New Years was this week, and this was the first time my brother and I went to buy fruits..we offered to so my dad can relax. I never realzied how hard it was to pick out the right fruits and on top of that we bought plaintains--instead of bananas so we couldnt put that on our altar for our ancestors. I blame my brother for pickin out the plaintains lmao. I felt like we could have put more fruits or other good food than what we had.
Two days ago, I was walking to my 8am class and me being the klutz that I am didnt look at where I was walking, tripped on the sidewalk and landed on my knees--the left knee landing first and the hardest landing, so that caused a big scrape on my left knee. It hurts so bad that I was limping for the past two days. My right knee wanst that bad. I went to find the campus nurse and she gave me a bunch of patches, ointment and packets of advil. It kinda helps? haha.
Spring semester is almost over and I needa get my act together. In addition,I didnt get into the nursing program at my school. After thinking this through, I decided to remain attending the current college that I'm at, but switching my major into Public Health(possibly focusing on nutrition) and then the accelrated nursing program that my school offers after graduation (its a 2 yr program w/ a BSN and an RN license). Time to get focused! The sad part is, because i failed anatomy 2 last semester, I have to retake it. WHat makes it sad is that its the same professor that I had last semester thats only offering the calss in the fall...and this guy picks on me when I never even did anything in that class. LOL joy.
Today I went to the Bronx to celebrate Khmer New Years. I didnt know what to expect, especially if I had to see certain people there that I didnt want to see.Oh, and I did; what an awkward situation that was. There's no reason to be fake and say hi to me, calling me "Chrisi"(primary nickname aside from "PIN" lol) when the last time we talked, we were beefing and this person addressed me as "christina". WHy youtryin to be fake for? Anyways, I held my composure well to say the least. WHy would i start drama on our holiday? Another thing that kidna irritated me was that everytime I go to these "bouns" (dunno how to explain it, but think of it as when you have a religious holiday you hold a special ceremony at the church or whatever religious building you have) or weddings, or any oter places full of Cambodians and all I ever see are these girls I dont know grilling me. LOL I jsut dont understand how can you stare down somebody you dont eve know. Idk, people are weird haha. It just boggles my mind.
I was listening to a remix of Tae Yang's song, "Wedding Dress" by Tommy C ft. JReyez and this song brought me to tears. It was pretty amazing, at least I think it was. You dont necessarily need to be in love to understand. But maybe if you are in love, it would make more sense to you. I'll provide the song jsut look below haha.This song inspires me to make a female version of this song and I have great ideas on what to write..sadly, I cant sing for sh*t and it would help alot if I did have that skill.
Well I'm getting sleepy and thats all I have for now. I'll also provide pics of today. See ya xoxo!
LOL idk whats up with my hair but I liek this pic of us
Sema and Jimmy kept me company lol !!
LOL looks like we kinda match!
Two days ago, I was walking to my 8am class and me being the klutz that I am didnt look at where I was walking, tripped on the sidewalk and landed on my knees--the left knee landing first and the hardest landing, so that caused a big scrape on my left knee. It hurts so bad that I was limping for the past two days. My right knee wanst that bad. I went to find the campus nurse and she gave me a bunch of patches, ointment and packets of advil. It kinda helps? haha.
Spring semester is almost over and I needa get my act together. In addition,I didnt get into the nursing program at my school. After thinking this through, I decided to remain attending the current college that I'm at, but switching my major into Public Health(possibly focusing on nutrition) and then the accelrated nursing program that my school offers after graduation (its a 2 yr program w/ a BSN and an RN license). Time to get focused! The sad part is, because i failed anatomy 2 last semester, I have to retake it. WHat makes it sad is that its the same professor that I had last semester thats only offering the calss in the fall...and this guy picks on me when I never even did anything in that class. LOL joy.
Today I went to the Bronx to celebrate Khmer New Years. I didnt know what to expect, especially if I had to see certain people there that I didnt want to see.Oh, and I did; what an awkward situation that was. There's no reason to be fake and say hi to me, calling me "Chrisi"(primary nickname aside from "PIN" lol) when the last time we talked, we were beefing and this person addressed me as "christina". WHy youtryin to be fake for? Anyways, I held my composure well to say the least. WHy would i start drama on our holiday? Another thing that kidna irritated me was that everytime I go to these "bouns" (dunno how to explain it, but think of it as when you have a religious holiday you hold a special ceremony at the church or whatever religious building you have) or weddings, or any oter places full of Cambodians and all I ever see are these girls I dont know grilling me. LOL I jsut dont understand how can you stare down somebody you dont eve know. Idk, people are weird haha. It just boggles my mind.
I was listening to a remix of Tae Yang's song, "Wedding Dress" by Tommy C ft. JReyez and this song brought me to tears. It was pretty amazing, at least I think it was. You dont necessarily need to be in love to understand. But maybe if you are in love, it would make more sense to you. I'll provide the song jsut look below haha.This song inspires me to make a female version of this song and I have great ideas on what to write..sadly, I cant sing for sh*t and it would help alot if I did have that skill.
Well I'm getting sleepy and thats all I have for now. I'll also provide pics of today. See ya xoxo!
LOL idk whats up with my hair but I liek this pic of us
Sema and Jimmy kept me company lol !!
LOL looks like we kinda match!
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